Where You're Going

John Liddle:

Welcome in to the Where You’re Going Podcast. I’m your host, John Liddle. Thank you so much for being here. I am so excited for this show. We believe here at the Where You’re Going podcast that where you’re going and who you’re becoming is so much more important than where you are right now. We want you to come on this journey with us. My name is John Liddle and I am a broadcaster in the Dallas area. I’m in news radio, I’m in sports TV, and I just am a guy that’s trying to live with hope and trying to carry that hope to people like you.

And so I am so pumped that you have found the show because I’ve been praying for this show, been praying for this show for the better part of two years. I didn’t know what kind of form it would take. I really probably was misguided at first about how it should be formed and where it should be launched and those sort of things. But over the course of the last two years, God has really honed that in for me. There’s been a laser focus over the last few months. My prayer has been that everything you would hear on this show is delivered with humility, just with reaching you in mind and at the same time, just doing it with all of my heart and with the heart of a bunch of people who really believe in the message that where you’re going is so much better than where you’ve been. So why me? Why John Liddle? And why this podcast? And why now? Well, it’s just been on my heart, like I said, for the better part of two years. I knew that a really rough patch in my life, some ways in which I’d really strayed away from those things.

I truly believe that I’d been broken free of that stuff. And I was running a race where there was finally freedom in some areas of my life where I hadn’t been able to find that in the better part of ten years, longer than that. And additionally, I knew that there was more to come and I just wanted to share that hope. We’ve got a responsibility to…wherever our talents lie, wherever our area of expertise isllto take what we know there and just reach people however we can. And I don’t care what line of work you’re in, you’ve got the ability to do that. I’ve got the ability to do that in kind of a public way through a podcast, through a videocast. And so that’s what I’m stepping into. That’s why me? Because I have been at the absolute rock bottom and I know that there are a lot of people right now that are at their rock bottom as well.

And if they’re not there, it’s very, very close to being at that place. And maybe that person is you. And so I want you to come on this journey, knowing that there is hope and knowing that things can get better and will get better and there is more for you in this life. So let me tell you my story. We start in 2020. The pandemic. Like everybody in the world, the pandemic really impacted my family. And I know it impacted families probably more than anything, because you think about the distance between people, not only because of sickness.

I mean, obviously there was death. Maybe you lost a loved one during the pandemic due to COVID. In addition to that, people were just separated by distance as well. We couldn’t see each other. That was hard on families and it was hard on my family as well. There was the difference in working and difference in going to school, the remote work, I was going through that. And also the financial trouble as well. Both my wife and I took pay cuts during COVID and it was rough.

You see, me and my wife had, over the course of our marriage, really struggled financially. It seemed like we were always going paycheck to paycheck. We’re trying to stay out of debt, do the Dave Ramsey thing. But over the course of that summer, we just didn’t adjust to the pandemic very well, didn’t adjust to the pay cuts, and we blew through our savings and it was, as always in our marriage, just a huge stressor. Maybe you’ve been there, maybe you’re there right now. And I know it can take all your faith when you see that the budget just doesn’t work, when you see that you’re barely back above zero when that paycheck hits the bank account. And that’s certainly where we were.

I remember it crystal clear, we’re having a budget meeting…sitting on our bed and trying to figure out how we were going to pack everything into September that we needed to pack into September of 2020. And so we had the essentials there, we had the nonessentials. We’re trying to just form this budget that was going to move us onto October. And we got to this line item in the budget where my wife felt like it was essential. I thought it wasn’t essential. And I said, “Listen, if you just think that’s essential, we should probably just break up.” Now. I didn’t mean it. It was the latest in awful things that I had said in order to try to win an argument, in order to try to get the upper hand, in order to try to let her know that I was disapproving of what she thought.

And that is not the way to communicate, obviously. But this time, instead of fighting back, it was different. She turned, her face dropped, it was cold. She looked at me and she said, “Actually, I’ve been thinking the same thing.” And friends, I knew that she was serious.

She went on to tell me that she had been talking to a divorce lawyer, and she thought it was best that our marriage come to an end. And she wanted to know what I thought, because she didn’t want to do it…and then me just go along with it and come back and tell her it was all her idea. Meanwhile, I’m just stunned. I’m run over. That’s not what I was thinking at all. I know that’s what I said. That’s not what I was thinking at all. And I was just absolutely hit by a truck. I started crying.

I took a walk. I called some friends. I didn’t know what to do. I thought at that moment my marriage was over. She had never talked like this. And one of the friends I talked to that night …and we’ve got to have friends like this, right? Friends who believe the best in us even when we can’t see it. And he said, “Listen, you would not be the John Liddle I know if you didn’t get back in there and fight for her.”

So I wiped away the tears. I went back into that bedroom and said, “I don’t want a divorce. This is not what I want. I’ll work on it. I will do whatever it takes.” She was not convinced, and we were at a stalemate. So a week goes by. It’s cold. It’s distant. I think I’m sleeping on the couch at this point. And we get to talking about the possibility of divorce again. And I reiterate to her, “Hey, I’ll do whatever it takes. We can go into debt. We can go to counseling again.” Because I had stepped away from counseling. I thought, that thing is not working.

We’re just wasting money. I said, “I’ll go again. We’ll put the money into counseling. Even if we can’t afford it, I’ll do whatever it takes. I don’t want a divorce.” Again. She’s not convinced. And she said, “John, I don’t know what’s wrong with you.”

“You’ve just been distant. I don’t know if you’re having an affair. I don’t know if you’re in addiction. I just don’t know what’s going on with you.” I stopped for a minute, and I thought about it, because I’m not getting anywhere at this point. It’s been a week. It’s a stalemate. There’s nothing else I can do.

And I said “No. I’ve never had an affair. But I have been struggling with addiction, and not only that, I’ve been struggling with it for the better part of ten years.” You see, in our first year of marriage, I had struggled with this addiction. And I brought it to her, and we worked through it together. I committed to get better. She came alongside me, but she said, “Listen, John, this is serious to me. If you ever do it again, I will divorce you.”

And about three years after that initial time, we had moved to Oklahoma, away from my support system, and I started to slip back into some old addictive habits. It started to get worse and worse, way worse than ever before. And I knew I couldn’t tell anybody, or at least I felt like I couldn’t tell anybody because then she would know, and then the marriage would be over. And I didn’t want that. We were starting to have kids, so I just hid it. And instead of managing it, it got worse, way worse. And there were co-addictions that came along with it, like overeating, extreme weight gain, overworking. I was just extremely angry.

I had anxiety and depression that went undiagnosed for the better part of a decade as well. And I just was horrendous to live with. I verbally was awful to my wife, and then I would just freeze her out. At other times, I felt incredibly out of control, and I was a nightmare to live with. I finally offered that. I put it on the table. I said, “Yeah, I’ve been struggling with this, and I’ve been struggling for about ten years. And while right now it’s not the worst it’s ever been, it’s been really bad in the past.”

And I said, “I didn’t want to tell you because you said if I ever did it again that you would divorce me.” She said, “Yeah, well, I guess that’s it.” And the divorce proceedings were off and running. About a week and a half later, I am sitting in a cheap hotel room, which I can almost see from my bedroom window here at my apartment, and I am crying myself to sleep, feeling like I have lost absolutely everything, knowing I’ve gone wrong, but honestly not exactly sure where I went wrong. Everything is so wrong. I don’t even know where to start. And I’m feeling hopeless.

I’ve lost my wife. I have lost the privilege to sleep under the same roof as my three kids. I love them very much. But my wife says it’s all over. And now I’m all alone, and it’s all my fault. Have you ever been there? Are you there right now? Do you know what I’m talking about? This show is for you. Because I am telling you, that was me three years ago. I had absolutely no hope. I didn’t know where to go.

I didn’t know where to turn. I didn’t know who to talk to. I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know what my life would look like. I didn’t know if I would be on this earth. I don’t mean to be dramatic, but I really did not know that. I could not see a way forward. If that’s you in any part of your life, this show is absolutely for you, because I am living proof. And so many people I know and I’m going to bring on this show are living proof that no matter the circumstances, no matter where you’ve gone wrong, what you’ve been through, where you’re going is so much better than where you’ve been, and it can get better!

And you can find the strength to do what it says behind me. You can find the strength to get up. You can find the strength to make something new in your life and go back to battle again, even when you don’t feel worthy. And that is what we’re going to talk about on this show. Right off the top, I’m going to bring on some friends that have been incredibly helpful and supportive in this process. They were even with me that first month where my marriage was coming to an end. With my friend Jeremy Baus, we’re going to talk about identity. We’re going to talk about why we lose it, why we find it in our success in other areas, and we’re going to talk about just that feeling of feeling unworthy and how we get back to feeling worthy. It’s either harder than you think or easier than you think, depending on how you look at it.

Also on show number three, we’re going to talk to my incredible friend, Eric Sommerhauser. I cannot wait to bring you this conversation. We’re going to talk about our heart. Heart posture, doing things with all your heart, how honestly, God just wants to get to your heart and he’s going to do whatever it takes to fight for your heart, just like God has fought for my heart. And I’m telling you, friends, I believe he is going to win in the battle for your heart. And we’re going to talk about that with Eric Sommerhauser. Mind blowing stuff!

We’re going to talk about community. When you are in the lowest of lows or you’re in any kind of low moment in your life, you cannot isolate. You got to get around other people. A couple of my friends who know that so well are going to come on with me as well. And we’re going to talk about community. And then I’m going to tell you about this: Get up, Make something new, Go to battle. And then we’re going to be off and running. We’re going to have some incredible conversations with people who are winning in life, and they’re doing it because they do life with the right intentions and they’ve got hope.

And we’re just going to try to carry that hope into your life. And I’m just believing it’s going to make a difference. I have prayed for this show. I have prayed for you, I’ve prayed for myself to have the right heart attitude about it. And I’m just believing that this show will make a legitimate difference in your life as you live it, no matter where you are, whether you’re just a little off track or a lot off track or you’re praying for a friend or a family member that is off the rails right now. And you want to so badly to see that relationship reestablished with them. Hey, sometimes, let me tell you, even though they may be visually, like, very publicly way off the rails, it might come back to you, it might come back to your heart posture. Although you’re on the outside doing all the right things, is there judgment in your heart? Are you truly a safe place to land for them? Is there anything that you can go to them with and say, “Hey, I was wrong.” Can you go first? These are some of the things that we’re going to be talking about.

So I know that no matter where you are in your journey, I believe you’re going to get a lot out of this show and I know I’m going to get a lot out of bringing it to you as well. And I just want to build up an incredible community. I’ve already been able to do so with my podcast launch team. Oh, my gosh. This is about 50 people who have just come alongside me and said, yes, I’ll pray for you. Yes, I’ll pray for the people that are going to be hearing this message. We’ll help you get the word out and we want to grow basically that podcast team. We want to have a where you’re going group, where it’s not about it has nothing to do with John and forwarding my message.

It has everything to do with just getting people hope and coming together and marching forward and say where we’re going is better than where we’ve been. We believe that and we are taking steps. Maybe we’re holding each other accountable. I got to be honest with you, I’m not exactly sure how all that’s going to look, but I’m open to it. Just kind of taking steps to follow God’s lead, follow the cloud to see where this all goes. I cannot wait to go on this journey with you. We’re going to have a blast. There are going to be tears, there’s going to be fun.

There are going to be serious moments. There are going to be weeks where we’re going to take steps. There are going to be weeks where we’re just going to pause and we’re going to laugh about how silly and crazy life is sometimes. And I can’t wait to walk this journey with you. There are so many ways to keep up with the show. Probably the best way is just to go to our website whereyourgoingpod.com. But you can find us on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter and of course, YouTube as well. Thank you so much for being part of this first show.

Thank you so much for investing in yourself. And friend, I believe in you. No matter where you are, I believe in you. And if somebody in your life needs hope. Believe in them and let them know that where you’re going is so much better than where you’ve been. We’ll talk to you next time.