Where You're Going

On the Where You’re Going Podcast, I say every show that it’s not about where you’ve been, it’s about where you’re going and who you are becoming.

Some of us we picture the decisions we’ve made that make us who we are today.

And some of us are thinking about the things we can’t control, the things that have been done to us.

And that’s why I felt it was so important to do the three part series, “Journey of Forgiveness.”

We’ve all been hurt, disappointed, and let down at some point in our lives. It’s a part of the human experience, but it doesn’t have to define us. In fact, it’s what we do with these hurts that truly shapes our character. And our character shapes our future.

Forgiveness isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about finding the strength to move beyond it. It’s not an easy road, but it’s one that leads to profound healing and enduring peace.

Based on the series, and the wisdom of Leigh Richardson, Peggy Easterling and Jason Hillier, I want to share with you some of the steps of forgiveness.

May each small step guide us toward a heart unburdened by resentment and pain.

Step 1: Understand Forgiveness

The first step to forgiving someone is understanding what forgiveness actually means. Forgiveness is not about forgetting the hurt, but rather about making a conscious decision not to hold onto the hurt feelings. It’s recognizing that forgiveness is a continuous process possibly taking years, not a one-time event. Everyone handles this process differently, but everyone has been hurt by someone at some point. Choose to focus on what you can control, rather than dwelling on the past. Many people, including our podcast guests Leigh Richardson and Peggy Easterling, have found that internalizing and speaking words of forgiveness greatly aided in their healing process.

Power Quotes:

“I realized that forgiveness wasn’t just about letting go of the pain and anger towards others; it was about setting myself free. Forgiving myself for carrying the burdens of shame and guilt was the key that unlocked my healing journey.” – Peggy Easterling

“You have to choose to let go of something.” – Leigh Richardson

“Forgiveness is not about forgetting, it’s about choosing not to remember. It’s a deliberate act of releasing the hold that past hurts have on our lives. When we truly understand what forgiveness is, we can experience the freedom and peace that comes with letting go.” – Jason Hillier

Step 2: Acknowledge What Was Lost

Acknowledge the hurt and the pain that you have gone through. It’s not easy to admit that we’ve been hurt. It’s not easy to say we’ve been disappointed by someone. Those admissions go against our minds’ natural inclinations to shield us from harm. Yet, it’s crucial that you admit to yourself the severity and truth of the pain you experienced. Suppressed trauma often creates more problems down the line. Being honest about your experiences, no matter how painful, is an integral step on the path to forgiveness.

Power Quote:

“Before we can truly forgive, we must first acknowledge the hurt. We can’t sweep it under the rug or pretend it didn’t happen. Instead, we must face it head-on and allow ourselves to mourn the loss. Only then can we begin the journey of forgiveness and experience the freedom that comes with it.” – Jason Hillier

Step 3: Choose to Forgive

Forgiveness isn’t something that just happens. Forgiveness is an intentional choice. Remember that forgiveness is for your own benefit – it is not about the person who wronged you. It is a personal decision, not influenced by others, whether the person has apologized or not. Our guests have shown how empowering it is to forgive people in their lives, and how it contributes significantly to personal growth and becoming a better person. You don’t even have to tell the person you are forgiving that they are forgiven. Sometimes that’s not safe. Choose to forgive for you and you alone.

Power Quote:

“’Well, If I forgive them, then I’m gonna have to let them right back in my life. I’m gonna have to reconcile with them.’ No! You don’t. Because forgiveness is all about you, and you’re doing it to get that peace in your heart. Maybe you’re doing it to lower your blood pressure. I don’t know why you’re doing it. But why you’re doing it is all about you.” – Leigh Richardson

Step 4: Overflow with Forgiveness

Promote well-being and mental health by deescalating negative thoughts and replacing them with thoughts of forgiveness. It is important to recognize when our brain is working against us, focusing on the negatives and disregarding the positives. As you move towards forgiveness, you begin to create an inner peace within yourself, which improves mental health and reduces anxiety.

Power Quote:

“Through the process of healing and growth, I’ve learned the importance of evaluating our thoughts against reality. Our minds have a natural tendency to distort the truth, especially when we’ve experienced trauma or difficult experiences. It’s crucial to challenge those negative thoughts and beliefs that may have been ingrained in us. As I’ve navigated my own journey, I’ve found that using a thought model can be incredibly helpful. It allows us to examine our thoughts, identify any distortions or cognitive dissonance, and choose to focus on the reality of our worth and value as seen through God’s eyes. By evaluating our thoughts against the truth of God’s Word and the reality of our current circumstances, we can begin to shift our mindset and embrace the healing and transformation that comes from aligning our thoughts with reality.” – Peggy Easterling

Step 5: Use Tools for Forgiveness

Use tools such as capturing thoughts, using scripture, and deep breathing exercises. Jason Hillier challenged us to evaluate our thoughts and peg them against reality. Holding on to negative thoughts can lead to physical sensations in the body when certain triggers occur – stopping and breathing deeply in such moments can be a great way to handle these triggers.

Power Quote:

“Sometimes our thoughts can create a false reality, holding us captive to negative beliefs and assumptions. It’s important to evaluate our thoughts against the reality of the situation, allowing ourselves to see the truth and experience the freedom that comes with it.” – Jason Hillier

Step 6: Share Your Journey

Sharing our stories of hurt can facilitate the process of forgiveness and healing. Letting others in on our painful past is vital for our healing process. Community and fellowship offer us compassion, understanding, and insight. This is the reason why we share stories of forgiveness on our podcast.

Power Quote:

“Sharing testimonies should be done in community, not just with oneself. Trusting and opening up to others can be difficult but is necessary for true healing. Our brains naturally take the path of self-protection, but God calls us to heal in community with others. God will meet and help us in the healing process when we let others in.” – Peggy Easterling

Step 7: Look Forward

Retrain your mind to think positively. As we learned from Leigh Richardson, the brain is naturally wired to focus on negative experiences, although there are typically three times more positive events in our lives. Recognize this bias and actively aim to re-balance your perspective. By reframing your thoughts and using tools such as breathing techniques and visualization, we can significantly shift our outlook.

Power Quote:

“We always find what we’re looking for. Every time! If we’ve got that story playing over and over in our head, ‘I was done wrong. I was done wrong. This is bad. This is bad.’ What do you think we find every day? We go out and we fight, ‘that guy cut me off. That lady…the elevator was closing. She could have pressed the button.’ I mean, we always find what we’re looking for. And that’s because that’s the way the brain works.” – Leigh Richardson

Step 8: Claim Freedom

Choosing to let go of the past gifts us a sense of freedom and relief. Giving the weight of past hurt to a higher power can be an immense relief. In the end, this act of forgiveness is meant to improve your mental and physical health – you become the hero of your own story, refusing to let the past dictate your present and future.

Power Quote:

“True freedom comes from claiming forgiveness. When we let go of the chains of unforgiveness, we open ourselves up to a life of freedom, joy, and growth. It’s not about excusing the actions of others, but about choosing to release the power they have over us. Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door to a life of true freedom.” – Jason Hillier

Bonus: Embrace the Journey

Forgiveness may take an immense amount of time, and the process looks different for everyone. Be patient with yourself. Every step forward is a step towards enduring peace.

Remember, this journey of forgiveness is unique to you. It might take time, and that’s okay. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a victory. Be patient with yourself and embrace the process. You are stronger and more resilient than you realize.